Self Coaching : This quote from Rumi has been churning in my head for over many years, without understanding the real meaning behind it.

Perhaps I am not able to ignore what I cannot unsee and not hear that is inadvertently said to me. I am not good at making sense with chaos. Order, respect, integrity is important to me.

I realised that Chaos is not a friendly territory. Be it the material clutter or the thought chaos.

Giving attention to everything in my realm happens very naturally. No effort is needed to notice but a lot of effort is needed to not notice and to not hear. This doubles up the task when the ask is to remain un impacted too. Its a tough grind !

Indeed Letting Be is very difficult. Often I say and hear Let go, Ignore !! Yet, How do I ignore ?

I needed to discipline myself for letting things be. The fixer in me would jump at the first given opportunity to fix the broken, tidy up everything around and appear in charge. It could be the piece of crockery, an artifact, a situation, a reactive mail or even a person. Fixing is paramount.

More example like Dust that dirty surface, remove the crease and even the fold, align the pile and the corner and so on so forth. Relatable ? Yes OCD is also due to ones inability to ignore.

Somewhere it has to do with the belief instilled through the childhood that I need to “Keep things well”, “keep relationships well” and maintain order and integrity. Any thing that is broken has to be fixed, anything disfunctional has to be made functional or is to be replaced with a better model or just find the ways to manage without one.

Wonder, how it has shown up in the other spaces of my life ? I began to manage things beyond the range of my individual control. I could not be myself around the mismanaged spaces and relationships. The complexities arose specially where in the multiple people are the stakeholders and none the owner. Now that was the next challenge to meet. With my existing belief and the pressing urge to assume ownership I by default became the owner of the slipping ground. The by product was of course the reactive and the anxious self coming forth more often than the centred self. It’s only during the recent conversation with a friend and her genuine curiosity filled question like Ranu, Why cannot you be the thick skinned person? What makes you responsible for everything that is said to you or has happened around you ? Her query made me take a pause and sit with this quote yet again ! The reflections followed …May Be I don’t know how to ignore !! May be I don’t know how to unhand. I don’t know how to embrace Chaos.

Anything that’s broken, not working well, becomes my baby !

I need not be adoptive and generous in fixing everything and everyone. Letting go is letting Be. Learning to see order in chaos is another cliched statement that has become a new belief for me instead of living one where the onus is on me to bring order in every chaos.

Rumi rightly said the art of knowing is knowing what to ignore !! And I am learning …to IGNORE more often than before.

Do you also consider getting your own answers for the genuine curiosity from your well wisher ? A coach would do the same for you.